God bless it....

This will finally stop bothering me if I can at least type it somewhere or get some sort of advice from someone shome how, or just get a "I feel ya girl", or something, really. It sucks that I would rather write this out than do anything else.

My boyfriend and I have had a rough week. We've both been in absolutely terrible moods, mine from a collection of problems with hormonal levels due to medications, and his just because Cody goes through terrible terrible mood swings that consume weeks at a time (we're roughly breaching week two and a half-ish). We've obviously made it through these things before, so we can do it again, no big deal, its just a little frustrating but whatever. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, correct?

Anyways, we were on our way to Cedar Point after a long winded talk that we sorted things out (apparently temporarily). We're driving along, we chit chatted here or there, but I could tell he was in an absolutely terrible mood and shoved everything I said aside because... well, as he puts it "he just gets frustrated with me so easily its hard sometimes". Suddenly, he confesses 30 minutes before we arrive at a couple friend's house that the only reason he gets so frustrated with me is due to the fact that I am the only one there.

[Back story: He had two really good friends. Chris and Nick. Chris gets a girlfriend (Alaina, which at one point Cody had a crush on, but hell she's a slut everyone had a crush on her at one point, and she's the type of girl to concoct such occurrences then dangle boys in front of her. I am NOT a fan. I personally think she's a fucking self centered whore.) Anyways. Chris is now dating Alaina. Whatever. Cody and them are still friends, its all good. We've hung out together as double dates. BUT. The most recent time Cody's car blew a line and we had to do a make shift fix there in a movie theater parking lot. They left us there, fixing his car, because they were so "tired of Cody always having a problem", that "something always goes wrong with Cody", and of COURSE, the cream on top: "They were hungry, so they were gunna go home". Well, we were actually on our way out to lunch.... So, obviously, they just ditched. It was so obvious it was like. WTF. Anyways, we ere both pissed. That's Chris.

Nick's wife is the biggest self centered, dumb ass bitch ever. Like... Poor life decisions everywhere. She just need to stop. Needs to go crawl in a hole, and die. Nick needs to leave this chick, and I'm being serious. Anyways. Cody was living with Nick and his wife while they worked on a house and planned on splitting the profit. Wifey Shelby was such a huge bitch Cody ended up just walking out on them, of course apologizing to Nick. They haven't spoken until recently, and have only just started hanging out again, here and there, and few and far between. Otherwise, all his other friends work or just have lost touch. So, what's left? All the chica friends who're like me, and stuck at home with their parents and go to school and such. They don't want to go do the things that Cody likes to do, becuase most are prissy or thye just. Don't. So there you go.]

Not just that, though. He informs me that since all he has is girl friends, that he doesn't see and only texts, of course he gets that I'm okay with him hanging out with them but that he can't because he, in basic terms, has crushes on them. Or, is developing pre-crushes. I'm like. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I mean, yeah, we went through this with Alaina. I get it. He's never actually cheated, he just gets to the point where he can't keep his head on straight. So, on top of being just generally upset he brought it up in the first place, he says that, then follows it up with: "when we were friends things weren't like this. If stuff like this continues we should just be friends maybe." Now, that. THAT was a new thing. But of course, he instantly was like "I don't want that to happen blah blah blah". Whatever. You said it. It happened. It's going to bother the shit out of me.

So, of course, I've been so upset the last day or so, but I've been trying to keep it under wraps since we've been with friends. Well, I got very sick while at Cedar Point due to the intense heat, lack of food, and functioning on just 4.5 hours of sleep. Yeah. So, I got really fucking sick. And he got frustrated and pissed, and of course stayed off some rides to sit with me, but you could tell he was mad. Which, of course, I'm afraid it didn't help my case. Eventually the other girlfriend stayed back with me due to the fact she was getting tired, and we sent the boys off. Well, every ride they went to shut down and they couldn't ride them. So, they were super pissed.

Its just... He's so frustrated and pissed off and he told me the only reason he's mad at me is due to being the closest person, his best friend, his girlfriend, the only rock he has there, so obviously I'm the easiest target. He continually reassures me I'm doing nothing wrong, and he knows its his mood. Which, I guess, that's good. Kind of. Whatever. I just have to keep telling myself that "we've made it through these things before".

I feel so much better writing that. I had to inform someone. I'm so afraid of telling people, because Cody is just... I've literally loved no one else as much as him, and we've gone through some sick shit together, and we've always been there in the end, and despite all the troubles no one has come between us. I just wish so much I knew how to help him. I'm afraid if I'm not there then there then he'll be mad, but if I am there I'll just frustrate him trying to help. -sigh- I just don't know. It doesn't help this is on top of a million other stresses in my life. I do not want to lose him. I do not. I could not be his friend after this. I couldn't watch him go off with other people. I couldn't watch him be upset and not be able to go to his house and just try and help him in any way that I could. It just it scares me, and it really brings me down, and I'm struggling to stand back up until I know he too can stand up with me.