life changing events. [rant kind of]

My life is about to explode.

I have so much going on right now and no one to really talk to. So of course.. I come to Aeon <3

First of all, I absolutely adore the fact that people don't represent themselves as what they actually are. I had a woman and her husband approach me with a working student position, for riding. It was wayyyy too good to be true. I won't bother you guys with the details as you really have to be on the eventing scene to understand it all. But they were charming, laughing, definitely people I would get along with. They have a big business, over forty horses on their property, and they seemed to run exactly the kind of business that I would love to run some day. Wrong. I spoke to one of our event coordinators today, as she's a very close friend of mine, and decided to ask her about them. -facepalm- They're banned from showgrounds in Arizona, Colorado, Kentucky, Florida, and Montana. They're suspected of stealing wallets, bouncing checks, everything. Obviously, I don't need that on my resume. Unlike some people, I'd love to have a good reputation when it comes to my business. Ugh. Oh well.

But literally, not an hour after I found out all this crap, a good friend of mine called me. She's an instructor at a little nearby western barn, and she teaches english lessons. Woo. She's a dressage rider(a very good one), and she just told me that there is a wait list of students at the barn, most of them wanting to ride english. So she says, I have an idea. Her mother is in the pony business. She buys and sells very nice sport ponies and horses. She told me that she would send me several of her ponies, beginner through advanced(I have a couple of horses that would make decent lesson horses as well), and Penny wants to start a business with me out of my place, her teaching flat/dressage lessons, and me teaching jumping. Now, don't get me wrong, this is an incredibly amazing opportunity, but it was shitty timing. I'm shooting for Junior Olympics, and with Leo's last show, I'm fairly positive we're there top pick. Leo is owning every show he goes to, winning everywhere, and when he is beaten, its typically by pros which don't count for junior placings. I'm graduating on the 25th, final assignments are due the 15th, I have a banquet to plan and decorate for. I have shows out the wazoo, and not to mention, five horses that have to be worked every day, a barn to be taken care of at home.

My ultimate goal with riding in to be selected for a team. ANY team. Whether it be the Olympics, the Pan-Ams, World Equestrian Games, anything. I want to represent my country. That would be the biggest honor. It is a very, very big goal. It's not easy and I'm already stressing about next years plans. I'm so.. BLEH. I can't think straight, everything is getting sprung on me at once. I'm so, so worried, my insomnia is acting up, I'm not eating. I hate being stressed. I keep telling myself one step at a time and I put on this fake smile and laugh and joke and no one notices, which is fine, I don't want anyone to notice, but I'm still pissed off because I don't want to fake it. I want to sit down and cry and wallow in self pity and not care what other people think. But I do care. And that just makes things that much harder. Ugh.

/rant